I thought I was over this silliness. I thought I had grown up. I took a break from these stupid online “debates” for about a month, and now I’ve just allowed myself to fall back in to the same pattern and get sucked right back in… even to the tune of being “de-friended” on facebook yet again. Seriously.
I consider myself to be a reasonable person who is capable of having logical and rational discussions without resulting to personal ad-hominem attacks. I try to adhere to this principle as much as possible in all discussions I have online and in person. Apparently, other people are not so agreeable to try to keep conversations at such a level. Therefore when I checked back to a particularly contentious discussion board after a few hours in the middle of a conversation tonight, I found that I had been de-friended without even an explanation as to why. How very mature of that person.
Again, I do admit that in the past I have crossed the line MANY times by making smart-assed, rude, and condescending remarks when I have shot off my mouth without thinking. My behavior in the past has been wrong, and many people deserve apologies for the things I have said. However, I don’t believe that this has been the case at all in the past few weeks and days. Recently, I have been intentionally trying to be much more thoughtful about the way I approach conversations with others that I may not agree with. This was the case with the person who recently de-friended me. I honestly have no idea what I did to offend this person. My entire dialogue with them was perfectly civil and I did not attack them personally in any way at all. I even complimented one of the points they made!
The good news out of all of this is that now I have one less troll to deal with posting snarky and rude comments on my page! I do realize that people (who I personally know somewhat in real life) are probably talking about me and making fun of me behind my behind my back right now… but it’s ok with me. A few months ago I probably would have been crying over it, but I have bigger fish to fry right now.
I have the gift of (over)confidence, but I lack the gift of eloquence and tact. I have the gift of boldness, but I lack the gift of thick-skin and calm-headedness. I have no problem standing up in front of an audience to speak, but no one wants to listen to what I have to say because my thoughts are a jumbled mess and I have a tendency to offend people. Then when people bite back because I offend them, I get my feelings hurt (though usually just a little bit – mostly I just get really angry and it makes me want to lash out further and cause them pain).
In summary, right now I would make a terrible politician, even though I think that could possibly be what I am gifted to do. I just have a very long way to go. I guess I’m glad 30 is the new 20 and my whole life is still ahead of me. Personal growth, here I come…
