Yes, carrying around too much weight certainly can cause health problems, but being fat/overweight/etc most certainly does not always equal unhealthy in every circumstance. There are extremely “overweight” marathon runners who are in way better shape physically than I will ever be. Then there is always the issue of the subjectivity of just exactly how much is “too much” weight? It is a very fine line.

My gripe here was mainly with our culture’s disgusting beauty ideal, and with the presumption of others that I was necessarily trying to lose weight and that I naturally wanted to be complimented because of my weight loss “accomplishment.” What if my dramatic weight loss had been the result of my being a terminal cancer patient? What if I had actually been dying? Would it still have been ok for them to comment on my body then? People were giving me these “compliments” at the same time I was actually experiencing physical pain.

I just think that maybe we should seriously reassess the beauty ideal that thin = beautiful (especially when that beauty ideal is dangerously thin, as it most certainly is in our culture… see below) and that if a woman is losing weight it necessarily means all of the following: a.) she is doing so on purpose, b.) she is therefore more beautiful, and c.) she wants to hear your opinion on her body…

Because, as we all know, in our society, women’s bodies are public property for public display. We are clearly here for the amusement of society and all its members – both male and female.

I’ve been following this story regarding a Ralph Lauren ad for the past 2 weeks or so from the time the disgustingly photoshopped image was very first posted on the internet. Others may be familiar with it as well because the buzz surrounding it has been all over the web for the past few days. You can read about the entire story here. Anyway, the latest news is that Ralph Lauren actually fired the 5’10″ 120 lb model featured in the ad for being overweight (at least that is what she claimed on the Today show this morning). So that is the danger of trying to live up to the extreme thinness beauty ideal. Models who are underweight by ANY gauge of healthy body type are fired for being too fat.

It really is about health. I know that people who carry more weight can be healthy but let someone carry too much around for too long and it will cause health problems. I have enough joint issues to know that had I carried too much weight for too many years my mobility would be compromised by now.

There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself for running and making yourself strong and healthy. Go buy some smaller pants and if you feel guilty, forgive yourself and move on. If someone compliments you, say thanks, shake it off, and know they are a product of our society…just like you are. Hey, maybe you are a little more evolved. Then make sure the next generation stays that way!

People would complement me on how good and thin I looked (”OMG you lost weight! You look great!”) and while it stroked my ego, I also felt absolutely awful. The first few times I responded with some sort of mumbled change of subject, but after that I gave up and started saying thank you just to end the conversation, all the while feeling like a horrible vain hypocritical terrible person.

While I’m still fat by most any standard, and probably will always be fat, I’ve lost 30 pounds over the last year and a half, due simply to the fact that I started running regularly. I’d been very much into the HAES/body acceptance stuff for awhile already. I was definitely not trying to lose weight. I don’t believe in diets. I liked running. That was it. I never even weighed myself, so when the comments began: “How much weight have you lost?” etc., I had no idea how to even respond. I just knew that I’d gone down a couple dress sizes.

And are the comments ever the worst. I hate when people tell me how “good I’m looking,” 1) because it implies that I didn’t look good before, which I think I did, thank you very much, and 2) because my body is no one else’s business. How rude and presumptive is it to comment on someone else’s weight loss, weight gain, etc.? I know these folks mean well, but it pisses me off.

Even worse, though, is when I occasionally feel a little twinge of pride about it. Even though I realize the inherent absurdity…losing (or gaining) weight says nothing about your character, or even about your attractiveness. (Well, maybe to some people weight is an indicator of character and attractiveness, but those are people I don’t want in my life.) So when you have that weak moment where a comment makes you feel good, you do feel awful at the same time. I get that. I feel like I have a glaring “Bad Feminist!!” sign over my head. But in our defense, the degree of socialization we’ve undergone as women in this society…way back when we first started playing with Barbies, watching Disney princesses, and listening to our moms complain about their weight…well, it’s a constant, uphill battle to shake that all off.

Maybe the best we can do, like you said, is just to remain aware of what bullshit it all is, and keep trying every day to shake it all off. And if you’re not already reading Shapely Prose on a regular basis, I hope you start. It’s my refuge from the insanity.