Suburban Kitsch

Kitsch, as adj.: A tacky or lowbrow quality or condition. Highbrow elitists need not apply.

Archive for the ‘Feminism’ Category

Ayn Rand… self-loathing woman? Misogynist?

Posted by GraceKathryn on January 9, 2010

Oh, Ms. Rand…

I am on page 154 of your book thus far, and here are a few comments. I will lay them out in the form of an email I typed to a fellow blogger, Sarah of Two-Headed Blog, who blogged her way through Atlas in 2008, just as I am doing now. Here is a link to the first entry Sarah wrote while reading the book. It’s called Blogging the Atlas.

After reading to almost the point in Atlas Shrugged that Sarah was at when she wrote the entry above, I decided to read her detailed thoughts on the book thus far. Afterward, I sent her the following email, which sums up my thoughts as concisely as possible (I could write so much more):

Sarah,

I just read your first blog entry on Atlas Shrugged where you were about as far in the book as I am now (I don’t want to read your thoughts ahead of my own while wading through the book), I have to say that I find hardly anything I disagree with you on. I think your analysis was very well written and I greatly appreciated the brutal honesty that came with reevaluating your own views in light of Rand’s ideas.

I, too, think that Rand brings some very good points to light in the book so far. The biggest impact to me so far has actually been that the book has been really inspiring. I mean in the sense that it makes me actually want to ascribe to her Nietzsche-esque “uberman/superman/hero” ideal and go out and PRODUCE SOMETHING. I find something inspiring in her exultation of the highly achieving individual. It makes me want to try to BE more of that myself.

My main critique comes from the fact that the people and situations in her invented world DO NOT exist in reality. She writes straw man arguments and characters and then tears them down with the utmost of ease. She writes wooden caricatures, not characters. No one exists like that in real life — either on the extreme idol-worship “producer” side, or on the bumbling bureaucratic “everything is for the public good” moocher/looter type. Her black and white categorical morality gets really old really fast. In her world there is no room for gray areas, utilitarianism (of even the most modest kind), democracy, compromise, or even complexities. She sees everything as very simple.

But that’s just not how the *real* world works.

Despite myself, I really enjoy the book as a work of thoughtful fiction. However, I still can not comprehend why so many people find this thing to be soooooo freaking compelling that they would change their entire worldview based on one reading. The dialogue reads like it was written by a robot. One wonders if she ever had a conversation with an actual human being in her life. But perhaps the wooden caricatures and dialogue can partially be explained by her acquisition of English as a second language???

Plus the rampant misogyny bothers me… a lot. Ayn Rand… a self loathing woman? I vote yes. She REALLY had a thing for being dominated. She was obsessed with the inherent “superiority” (not just her preference) of male domination in the sex act and in relationships in general. It’s a little unnerving.

I look forward to reading your subsequent posts as I plow my way through this behemoth of a book.

Faithfully trudging along,
Kathy

A part of Sarah’s reply to me was as follows:

I’m the same way…I hate to read what other people have written about something before I’ve read it myself.I had the same reaction you describe (feeling “inspired”). It really boosted my work ethic for awhile, and made me want to feel joy in the act of working and being productive. I also agree with your straw man criticism. She is very black and white, and I remember having the thought that in a perfect world, she may be right about some of this stuff…but it’s soooo not that perfect world.

Weirdly though, I don’t recall being quite so struck by the misogyny. I may have cut her some slack, and chalked it up to her being a product of her time. Although, since you’ve mentioned it, I agree it’s appalling.

I’m anxious to hear your thoughts as you read on.

Regarding Ayn Rand and her warped sense of superiority/inferiority as it relates to the male/female sex act, I don’t think I could say it better than Robert M. Slade did in 1998:

Both family and sexuality are rather hideously portrayed. First, is it ridiculous to call a woman a misogynist? Rand seems to rail against the “keep ‘em barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen” mentality, but also manages to put women very firmly in a subordinate position. Sexual activity (tame as it is) seems to be more of an “acquiescence to rape” than any kind of romance. (One also suspects that Rand was into bondage, considering a great many of the descriptions and comments.)

Marriage vows in an objectivist church would probably run along the lines of “Do you promise to attempt to dominate and subdue this woman until such time as you grow bored?” “Maybe.” “Close enough. And do you promise to applaud this man`s production until such time as you find someone with a bigger … corporation?” “Whatever.” “By the power vested in me by having scammed you guys out of a marriage license fee, I now pronounce you man and appendage. May you be unencumbered by small persons.”

There are many quotes throughout Atlas Shrugged along those lines:

Hank Reardon (a hero protagonist) reflecting on his wife, “She seemed to be a woman who expected and deserved a pedestal; this made him want to drag her down to his bed. To drag her down, were the words in his mind; they gave him a dark pleasure, the sense of a victory worth winning … He felt – a profound pride at the thought of granting to a woman the title of his wife … almost as if he felt that he wished to honor a woman by the act of possessing her.”

Yes, posessing her. As in owning her.

And perhaps the most telling quote of all so far comes from another hero protagonist:

Francisco d’Anconia, speaking to Dagny Taggart: “I wish I could tell you what a relief it is to see a face that’s intelligent though a woman’s.”

That statement is rampant with subtext! I suppose Rand believes intelligent women are so few and far between that it is worth commenting on. I could forgive Rand for this due to the time she was writing in, but she created an entire world right out of thin air for her books. Rand’s New York City never existed.  People like the characters in her novels never existed. Thus she could have written anything she wanted regarding the roles and propensities of women in her made up world. It simply appears that Ms. Rand had such a low opinion of women in the real world that this animosity naturally bled over into her writing. In The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged both, the “strong” intelligent female protagonist desires nothing more sexually than to be violently dominated by (and even subservient to) “the right kind of man.” At one point in Atlas, Dagny tells her mocking brother that the reason she hasn’t shined Francisco d’Anconia’s shoes is simply because he hasn’t asked her to.

Ayn Rand as feminist? Um, no. Ayn Rand as misogynist? I’m leaning heavily that way.

Posted in Books, Feminism, Philosophy, Politics, Shrugging Atlas | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Vanity and Guilt, Part II

Posted by GraceKathryn on October 17, 2009

I should start off by saying that I am absolutely terrible at using the art of subtlety to convey sarcasm in my writing. And when I say terrible, I mean TERRIBLE. Frequently when I write a blog post, email, or essay, I will go back and read what I wrote later or have someone else read it, and it becomes evident that I have not at all successfully conveyed the original point that sounded so profound in my head.

In the last post I spent a few paragraphs detailing how much weight I’ve lost over the past 8 months or so. I talked about how all my clothes fit me like clown clothes now, and I griped about the presumptive compliments I’ve been getting. In my head, I was truly not gloating. The weight loss was not a blessing. It sucked. I have been really sick this year. The majority of that last post, including the paragraphs talking about the weight loss, were really just one big bitch-fest about how much it sucked to lose that much weight so fast.

I felt like crap for most of the year, I wish people would not have congratulated me on my weight loss, and I felt guilty when I even dared to feel a shred of pride for being skinny because getting skinny sucked. That is the point I intended to convey in my writing.

Instead, I think I inadvertently wrote a bitterly ironic post titled “Vanity and Guilt” wherein I came off sounding like a vain (ha!) conceited bitch who now spends all her time staring in the mirror at her super-hot bod. Please know that was NOT the message I intended to convey while I was writing the post. Now I’m experiencing the guilt part all over again because everyone who read that original post probably thinks I’m a complete narcissist now.

I never claimed to be the best communicator in the world. Unfortunately I’m a bit rough around the edges and it shows in my writing. Reader beware.

Posted in Feminism, Introspection, My Own Stupidity, SuburbanKitsch | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Vanity and Guilt

Posted by GraceKathryn on October 14, 2009

There’s no way this is healthy…

Since January, I have lost 25% of my total body weight. Yes, you read that right. Twenty-five percent. I know for certain that I have lost 25% of my body weight because for the past few years I have been keeping a meticulous spreadsheet of my weight, which I update usually at least once a week. I used to log in my weight every Tuesday morning like clockwork and update the spreadsheet daily with my workout details as well (distance run or exercise class attended in a given day, etc). Now I only update it with my weight sporadically, and my workout routine has fallen by the wayside for the past few months mainly because of health issues.

(Yes, I know that keeping a detailed spreadsheet of my weight is probably not healthy either).

I currently weigh less than I did in high school, even as a freshman, and I am almost embarrassed about the size of pants I had to buy this weekend. I don’t think I ever wore this size of pants even at 12 years old. None of my old clothes fit, even the shirts. I have almost nothing to wear now. Everything I own fits me like clown clothes. I did the math, and if I lose 7 to 11 more lbs, I will officially be underweight according to BMI estimates. Hurrah! (Said with sarcasm).

Long story short, I have been dramatically dropping weight over the past 9 months and everyone has noticed. Some people make comments, some people don’t… but everyone has noticed. There is no way for people NOT to notice, unless they’re blind. It even shows on my face. I got carded today and the woman told me that my license picture doesn’t even look like me. Yep, that’s what losing 25% of your body weight will do.

Here’s the thing… I have not been trying to lose weight. At all, really. I got skinny because I have been really sick this year.

So now I apparently look all hot (or at least way more attractive than “fatty Kathy”) because I conform better to society’s beauty standards. I’m getting complimented all the time, and all the while feeling like crap. This happened to me all summer especially when I was dropping the pounds at a dramatic rate (and when I felt the most terrible physically). People would complement me on how good and thin I looked (“OMG you lost weight! You look great!”) and while it stroked my ego, I also felt absolutely awful. The first few times I responded with some sort of mumbled change of subject, but after that I gave up and started saying thank you just to end the conversation, all the while feeling like a horrible vain hypocritical terrible person.

I don’t feel bad physically every day anymore (though I don’t feel fantastic either), and I’ve stopped dropping weight. I’ve held steady at this same weight for about 2 months now (that’s why I thought it was time to finally buy some new clothes in a size that actually fits). Now I think I’m beginning the road to recovery physically, for the most part.

But now I’m stuck in the beauty trap. Now that I’m thinner than I’ve ever been in my entire adult or teenage life, I actually kind of like it, despite loathing myself for enjoying it at the same time. It makes me absolutely disgusted with myself for even buying into this BS. I didn’t even TRY to get this way and the only reason I’m so bony now is partially because I allowed myself to be malnourished! It’s more complicated than that (don’t worry, I don’t have an eating disorder), but I did go a few weeks without eating very much at all a while back. This is not the kind of beauty ideal we should ascribe to! Is thin really the be all end all of beauty? (Please don’t say yes!)

I hate that I’ve been sick all year, but even more I hate that I have enjoyed being thin because of it. It’s disgusting and I condemn myself for it. It is wrong and I feel like I have betrayed all women. Why can’t we embrace our physical differences instead of trying to live up to an unattainable beauty “ideal”? I am obviously guilty of falling into the same trap, and I feel terrible for it. I’m sure I will never break free of it, but the best I can hope for right now is to be self-aware when I am being vain.

Will I intentionally try to pack on the pounds now? No, though I might do so if I start dropping any more weight. Will I try to eat more regularly now, and more healthily? Yes, even though it will be difficult because this year has all but killed my appetite (which was a big reason for the weight loss in the first place). If that brings on a bit of weight gain, so be it. And if it does, I’ll try not to cry.

Evolution of Beauty

Evolution of Beauty

Check out the Health at Every Size movement. Guess what? Fat does not necessarily = unhealthy! You can be fat AND healthy! It just involves eating intuitively and being physically active for pleasure.

Posted in Cultural Observation, Feminism, Introspection, My Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

15 Books

Posted by GraceKathryn on July 25, 2009

(From an internet meme…)

Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. They don’t have to be the greatest books you’ve ever read, just the ones that stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Here are mine, in no particular order, except the first two:

1. Ecclesiastes – Qohelet (could be King Solomon)
2. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving ***
3. Good News for Women: A Biblical Picture of Gender Equality – Rebecca Merrill Groothuis
4. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
5. The Watchmen – Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
6. Mere Christianity (or, The Case for Christianity) – CS Lewis
7. Reasonable Faith – William Lane Craig
8. Finally Feminist – John G. Stackhouse Jr.
9. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave – Frederick Douglass
10. Thoughts Upon Slavery – John Wesley
11. Nine Stories – JD Salinger
12. I Know This Much Is True – Wally Lamb
13. Never Let Me Go – Kazuo Ishiguro
14. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
15. The Metamorphosis – Franz Kafka

*** Owen Meany was my favorite book of all time for many years (way before I was a Christian, I may add… also, for the record, John Irving is not a Christian and never was) until Ecclesiastes bumped it down a notch.

I feel bad that only two of my fifteen were written by women… but such was the great literature and non-fiction of the last few hundred years. I didn’t have much of a sample to choose from. Again, this is just a list of books that have stuck with me. I am not going to use this post to explain precisely why.

Posted in Books, Christianity, Facebook, Feminism | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

My 3 Years in Corporate Hell

Posted by GraceKathryn on June 27, 2009

You gotta love The Onion. The photo at the bottom of this post sums up perfectly my experiences working for 3 years in corporate America. I swear the upper management at the company I worked for hated independent intellectual thought and fun with everything in their core beings. The 1927 German film Metropolis comes to mind.

Here are a few fond memories I have of my time at said job:

  • A coworker got called in to the BIG bosses’ office to have a stern talking to about the “alarming” frequency of her email exchanges with her HUSBAND, who also happened to work for the company at the time — big brother was SERIOUSLY watching you at this company.
  • I was moved to 4 different desks/cubes on 2 different floors of the same building within 1 1/2 years. On the plus side, they did let me keep my red swingline stapler, though.
  • My boss (who was actually a really cool person so I was very disappointed with her for this) sent me a STERN email about how work computers were to be used for business-approved websites only, even if it was possible for me to access other sites on the “allowed” list. Thus, another “big brother is watching you” example. (For context: most employees had no internet access at ALL, and the select few who did have access could only get to a few select sites on the “approved” list, and these were sites that they had to have in order to do their jobs. So no yahoo, no newsok.com, no anything).
  • Extremely disturbing (indirect) sexual harassment directed at me, such that I was bawling my eyes out a few times. I need to find out the statute of limitations on that, b/c I think I actually have the guts now, 3 years later, to maybe say something about it.
  • The sense, ALL the time, that my coworkers, bosses, and everyone around me, were ALWAYS watching me, looking over my shoulder at my computer screen, and listening to my every word on the phone and every conversation I had with those around me. I am not being paranoid. This was really happening. There was a mass paranoia in the corporate culture at this company that I really didn’t understand.
  • Gossip. Constant backstabbing mean-spirited gossip… Now, I know people will say that this is an inherent feature of any workplace with a lot of women in close contact (and all that other sexist crap that I don’t buy in to), but it’s NOT. I know from personal experience that that argument is BS. That argument is sexist to its core. I work in an office now with about 10 other women, and the gossip where I work now is NOTHING like it was at this company. My office now is wonderfully positive and gossip-free by comparison. I don’t even blame the individual women I worked with at my former job, I blame the company’s culture. I blame the highest leadership. It was an institutional problem, not a problem with individuals.
  • Terrible timecard system that nickel and dimed you and ripped you off. (The skeptical pessimist in me suspects that this was NOT a coincidence).
  • After I left, I heard from a few ex-coworkers that they actually tried to BAN MUSIC AT PEOPLE’S DESKS for a while… this was in the form of headphones, iPods, small radios, small speakers, etc. It was an absolutist policy… No matter what. Apparently that only lasted for a few weeks and the backlash was so bad that they caved a bit.
  • I was HORRIBLY underpaid, and so were almost all of my coworkers. This company rapes their employees with low paychecks, all the while posting great profits (at least during the years I worked there). When I moved to the public sector I immediately got almost a 20% raise… I now make almost TWICE as much as I made when I started at that company in 2004. This company does not value its employees.

(For balance, a few good things the company did: yearly free health screenings for all employees, random bonuses ranging between $100-500 every Christmas and sometimes occasionally throughout the year in response to economic crises, community involvement in things like charity races and the like………. but most public sector jobs do all that plus more)

This was just my personal experience with corporate America and the company I worked for. I don’t claim that this is how it is for everyone, or that ALL large businesses are evil, or that capitalism isn’t a great thing (it is!), but this is how it was where I was at. This is just my story and my observations of the company I worked for. I experienced the depths of human misery at that job (I was crying alone in the bathroom on a regular basis I was so miserable), and it was as close to an Office Space type experience as I can envision in the real world.

Everything I have detailed above is all true. You can ask my husband, my parents, my doctor, or anyone who knew me while I worked there. I was in a deep depression at the time. It saddens me so much the way some companies get away with mistreating their employees. That was just the effect it had on me. By comparison, my public sector job now is like working in utopia.

Please don’t misread me and think I’m saying that all companies do this. I see the value in capitalism and I think that privately-owned businesses are a good thing. I know there are lots of private corporations and businesses that are wonderful places to work, but this particular company did not fall into that category. I would love to hear stories about the ones that are good. It will help to give me hope in humanity and the corporate world (which, admittedly, I aspire to never return to).

Office Internet Crackdown - from The Onion

Office Internet Crackdown - from The Onion

Posted in Feminism, Humor, Movies, My Life, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

deadCENTER 2009 Film Reviews

Posted by GraceKathryn on June 22, 2009

Dear deadCENTER, since you gave me the most fun 5 days I’ve had in quite some time, I figure I owe  at least a few (albeit belated) words to the wonderful filmmakers who contributed their blood, sweat, and tears to the festival. I have already summed up my deadCENTER EXPERIENCE in another post, so here I’ll just discuss what I believe were the few noteworthy films I saw from the festival.

(note: I apologize up front for the enormous length of this post. I realize it is way longer than most ‘normal’ people would ever want to read. I don’t expect you to read it all, or any of it for that matter. Heck, turn off your computer right now… or go read the Onion or something more entertaining. Why on earth do you even care what I have to say?!?!?!)

Documentary Features: (I actually only saw one narrative, non-documentary, full-length feature, Yesterday – aka the Canadian zombie movie, and it kind of sucked)

Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo: This film was fantastic. I spoke about it a little bit in one of my first posts from the festival. I could completely relate to the female inmates of the Oklahoma State Penitentiary system featured in this film. I found myself wanting to hang out with them, laugh with them, and hear their stories. I wanted to go talk to them. </redundancy> There is nothing more I can say about this film that hasn’t already been said much more eloquently by the Filmcake or Two-Headed Blog in their reviews of this same film. Just see the film when you get a chance if you haven’t already. I think it’s been picked up by HBO for distribution.

Official Rejection: Very well made and extremely amusing (if a bit self-absorbed) documentary about the perils of navigating the film festival circuit from a filmmaker’s perspective. I was very glad I dragged myself out of bed bright and early at noon to make it to this 2pm screening followed by the discussion panel afterward. I just criticized the film for being self-absorbed, but I really shouldn’t, because that’s what makes it so honest and real. The filmmaker, Paul Osborne, simply made a documentary about his life – about his firsthand experiences. I shouldn’t criticize because I do the very same thing on my blog. This is an eye-opening (and VERY entertaining) documentary for anyone who enjoys “indie” film or considers themselves to be a lover of good art. Also, you “get” to see Lloyd Kaufman’s ass in the film. Um, yeah.

Familiar Voices: This documentary is about the current genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. I cried. A lot. It is not the best made documentary out there in terms of technical aspects, but it was enlightening to me as to what is happening over there and what we can do about it in our own little ways… even here in Oklahoma, USA. Rape is used as a weapon of war every day in Darfur… women are gang raped by as many as 20 or 30 men, and they are not killed, but they are instead sent home to be pariahs in order to shread the social fabric of their communities. One story was told in the film of a 35 year old mother of 8 who was gang raped… she went home to her husband and he immediately divorced her. This kind of thing makes me want to heavily self-medicate, curl up in a ball, projectile vomit, and then sob in the corner of my room for weeks… but I can’t do that. I am instead compelled to speak out. I am compelled to be a loudmouth. I see injustice and I just can’t keep quiet.

Here are a few places you can start to help… just give $5. Anything will help: Sudan Divestment (educate yourself and don’t let your 401k dollars fund companies whose dollars fund genocide); Doctors Without Borders; Oxfam; and I personally strongly support the work of World Vision (but they’re an explicitly Christian charity so I realize that a lot of people may have a problem giving to such an organization). You can check out the ratings of all these organizations on Charity Navigator, an independent charity evaluator.

Saint Misbehavin’: The Wavy Gravy Movie: Admittedly, I was not in the most sober state of mind to appropriately evaluate this film… however, the parts I remember were GREAT! Hugh Romney really is a kind of saint, and I was truly honored to be able to shake his hand and take my picture with him. I think the man’s life and philosophy is best summed up in this song he likes to sing wherever he goes. It’s called ‘Basic Human Needs.’

Wouldn’t it be neat

If the people that you meet

Had shoes upon their feet

And somethin’ to eat

And wouldn’t it be fine

If all humankind

Had shelter.

Wow. You can also give to Mr. Gravy’s charity, the Seva foundation. For only $50, your gift can restore sight to a blind person! Personally, I think that’s money well spent.

Short Films!:

Comedy Shorts For one, I would like to say that I seriously question the judgment of whoever decided to categorize this particular set of short films as comedy. Only two of these shorts (my two favorites, incidentally), were purely comedic, in my opinion. But on to the reviews…

The SPAM Job: LOL!!! Fortunately I got to see this twice – once at the comedy shorts and once at the best of fest on Sunday. I would like to say that I am glad I never had the misfortune of personally knowing Paddy Culham. The guy seems like a self-obsessed jerk.‡ But his film was hilarious! I highly recommend!

Miracle Investigators: Best short of the entire festival, and I got to see this one THREE times (and it got progressively better with each viewing). My paraphrase of some of the best dialogue exchanges:

“I’ve been pretty New Testament with you up until now… don’t make me go Old!”

“Don’t be scared, I gave up ass-kicking for Lent.”
“But it’s not Lent.”
“I know.”

“He’s lucky we don’t believe in execution … like the Southern Baptists”

“You’re excommunicated, dirtbag!”

This film could not have been more awesome.

Okie Shorts were surprisingly solid:

Hit Boys II Men: I have to give it up to Mark Potts at Singletree Productions… the guy is a phenomenal comedy writer. I read his articles on the OU student website(s) as far back as 2003 or so, and his writing has always been Onion-quality material. He is hilarious. This film was no exception. It was my second favorite comedy short of the entire festival. I laughed all the way through. The timing was great and the writing was great. You can’t make a great film without a great screenplay, and this film had it. Kudos, Mark Potts. I really look forward to seeing your future work. (But I still want a free cookie, dangit! I don’t care if you don’t work at American Cookie Co anymore!).

Safe: 16 yr old and 13 yr old made surprisingly decent short film in 24 hours time. I was impressed.

Sha Sha Jones “Blow My Mind”: Nice little music video and almost the ONLY piece of racial diversity I saw at this entire festival, especially at Okie shorts. Not a fantastic short, but kudos to the deadCENTER programmers for including at least some non-WASPs in the Okie shorts lineup.

My Little Mascot: Wow. If it was really local OCCC students who wrote/produced/edited this film, I am extremely impressed. This short was definitely in my top 5 of the festival, and I probably saw over 30 shorts total. It also took me about 5 days later to figure out that Lucas Ross of Two Movie Guys fame is actually one of the main actors in this film. This film is funny, sweet, and sentimental without being over the top melodramatic. I liked it a LOT.

We Interrupt This Program and The Bags: On both, I thought they were clever and entertaining though not brilliant or anything.

Short Femmes were the best and most solid set of shorts of the entire bunch. There was only one out of the entire bunch that didn’t border on greatness:

Forced Into “Comfort” Fighting for Apology: I saw this film twice and bawled both times. I almost think there is something wrong with you if you can get through this 27 minutes of film without at least tearing up a little bit. This is about the “Comfort Women” forced to work as sex slaves in Japanese military brothels during WWII… these mostly were girls aged 14-16. The surviving women, who are now in their 80s and 90s, still demonstrate weekly demanding an apology from the Japanese government and financial compensation for what was done to them.

Old Days: I LOVED THIS FILM!!! It reminded me of About Schmidt or something else along those lines. Old Days also made it in to my top 5 favorite short films of the festival. I loved Lillian’s free spirit as she struggled to adjust to her new place in the social structure of nursing home life, all the while (deep below the surface) grieving for her dead husband. Lillian served as a role model for me, and I can’t wait until I get a chance to see this wonderful short film again.

Bean: Very strong short film about a smart young girl stuck in a terrible home situation and the (dangerous and morally questionable) decision she makes in order to try to get out of it.

Miscellaneous:

Whore: This film is great. I loved how it portrayed the protagonist (Wendy) – who could have been easily been shown as just another awkward crazy evangelical fundamentalist home-schooled girl – as an intelligent multi-faceted human being with compassion and depth. She (reluctantly) befriends a boy she (later) finds out is gay, all the while carrying around ‘good luck’ trolls to school and at another point wearing a ridiculous “Jesus” shirt. Prarthana Mohan, thanks for not portraying all evangelicals as hate-filled ignoramuses.

Money Please: Very entertaining, but the director needs to be very careful because it came off as though he was almost advocating anarchy at certain points. I’m glad he got a chance to clarify his points immediately following the screening.

I Am So Proud Of You: I may have liked this more than Everything Will Be OK, but I need to watch both films again. I think I was too tired to properly assess it when I saw it on Sunday.

In Brief:

Soulmates: Kind of cute for a campy horror ghost story.

Collector: RIP Brad Renfro. This film was actually very well done and acted, if not very original.

Unmasked: Simple, concise political statement from OU students. I can relate. Very messianic… but was it sacreligious?

Mary’s Ring: Ridiculous, but I liked it.

Divers: Beautiful… major kudos for using Kaki King music!!!

The Burrow Log: Beautifully shot, good job DP! However, very melodramatic. I get it, though. A strong effort.

Gaining Ground: This was great. I see why it showed at best of fest on Sunday… but I’m a sucker for immigration films.

Science Fair (Or: Migratory Patterns…): A good and solid short, but I think there were others more deserving of the best of fest on Sunday… like Hit Boys II Men or Old Days for example.

The Meh / Suck Awards: (I hesitantly post this, knowing that some of the filmmakers may actually read this)

Yesterday: Drinking game: huge fun success! The first 20 minutes were a blast! Movie: EPIC FAIL. This film would have been a great 20 minute short… as a 90-min feature film it was a steaming pile of suck.

Misadventures of Moon Kitty: Dewayne Austin, I was entertained by your film, but WTF? I couldn’t help but feeling like I was watching a complete ripoff of everything Joel Veitch has been doing at rathergood since the early 2000s (I’m a huge fan of rathergood, if you haven’t gathered that by now).

She’s Country: This was 3 minutes of a girl riding around on a horse to a country song… seriously, deadCENTER programmers, how did this pile of crap make it in to the festival? I could make a better film than this on my snapshot camera using the video function.

The short “suck list”: Mudman, Three, Pigman & Little Johnny… I didn’t get these. Feel free to try to convince me otherwise in the comments as to why these were good films, but I thought they sucked. I always love to be convinced.

deadCENTER 2009 was great, and I can’t wait until next year. Again I apologize for the delay in getting my petty little film reviews posted (if they even count for anything). I may write a few more straggling DC posts in the weeks to come, but for now, this concludes SuburbanKitch’s deadCENTER 2009 coverage.

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‡ 6/30/09 edit: Mr. Culham has stated that his preferred term is “jackass” rather than “jerk.” Footnote added to reflect the preference of the man himself.

Posted in Feminism, Movies, My Life, Politics, deadCENTER | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

The deadCENTER 2009 EXPERIENCE!

Posted by GraceKathryn on June 17, 2009

6/22/09 Edit: I have since posted my deadCENTER film reviews. So if you would like to read my thoughts on the films I saw at the festival, go here.

I’m not the most succinct or concise writer out there, so I’m going to try tackling this deadCENTER recap thing a post at a time so as to not overwhelm you poor reader (I don’t fool myself into thinking that more than one person reads my blog), so here goes… I’m starting with my overall deadCENTER EXPERIENCE… being a DC noob, I had no idea what to expect, and boy was I ever glad I chose to spring for the $80 (student discount price) all access pass. It was SO worth it! I ate more food, drank more Stella Artois and wine, saw more amazing films, and met more cool people than I would normally get to experience in a year, all for the bargain basement price of $80 — all this crammed in to 5 measly days. It was the most fun, and truly exhausting, 5 days I’ve had in a long time. Of course, the never-ending food/Stella and the nonstop fantastic film and feminist-centric conversation with my awesome friends Sarah, Dwight and Ellen during the parties and downtime made the whole experience even more fantastic. I would have had a blast just going by myself – but being there with some of the coolest people ever was just the icing on the cake.

A few non-film related bests:

Best film venue: The OKCMOA theater is too obvious, so I guess I’ll say Artspace at Untitled. I saw Horror shorts, Midnight shorts, and short Femmes here. It was really cool! I loved being able to walk around and enjoy great art in between the shows.

Best Party: While the OKCMOA kickoff party and its resulting hobnobbing on Thursday night was a lot of fun, I have to say the XO Lounge party at the Colcord on Friday night was definitely the best party. This thing had the best food EVER. I could have eaten 7 dinners and gone back for 8ths. It was amazing. The lounge itself was great, too.

The party the following night at VI ad agency was cool, just for the venue… lots of fun conversation there, too. It was here that my completely empty stomach + the unending supply of Stella Artois combined to form the perfect storm prior to the Wavy Gravy movie. It wasn’t pretty. But on to happier times…

Coolest New People I “Met”: (I say “met” because I doubt they would remember me). Cacky Poarch and Ian (of unknown last name). As I’ve said before, Cacky walked a city block and back to bring me, a stranger, coffee and an orange muffin (for free!). I love this woman! Ian is awesome for being one of the masterminds behind the Yesterday (Canadian zombie movie) drinking game. That film would have been a steaming pile of suck had the drinking game not existed (and even with the drinking game, it was still only fun for about 20 minutes… but kudos to Ian anyway).

Other cool people: Whoever found my journal, called me, and returned the journal that I lost at Uptown United on Thurs night (after Yesterday). You are awesome. I don’t remember your name, but thanks. You give me faith in humanity. There are 8 pages of important notes from another event I attended in that journal. I love you, good Samaritan!

Most Ridiculously Fun Moment: Jumping the Jessica Alba shark. We had waaaaaay too much fun taking these pictures. Sarah posted on our bit of juvenile stupidity a bit more over at her blog. I agree with her that it was really fun. We were so disheartened to see that the very next morning, Jim Inhofe, Randy Terrill, and Mary Fallin had come and painted over the very same poster (at least that’s what we are convinced happened). Why do our elected representatives hate fun so much?

Coolest Pictures Obtained: tie – pics with Lloyd Kaufman, pics with Wavy Gravy (runner up: Alba shark pics)

Most Embarrassing Moment: Ridiculously loud beer bottle topple during silence in between short films at Horror Shorts on Friday night. My bad. (In my defense, I heard at least 2 or 3 other beer bottle topples later on that night. Late night glass bottle drinking + concrete floor = recipe for loud disaster).

Biggest Giggle-Like-A-Schoolgirl / Kathy-Feeling-Way-Too-Cool-For-Her-Own-Good Moment: Talking politics/obscure 80s female film directors with Lloyd Kaufman (I actually corrected him on Penelope Spheeris being the director of Suburbia… schweet!) followed by him giving me Troma swag (a DVD of Cannibal: the Musical) and his personal business card for IFTA. I of course took the business card as an invitation for me to personally email him, which I fully intend to do. We actually have a lot in common politically. Of course I expect a prompt reply to my email from Uncle Lloydie himself *sarcastic cough*.

Now, I could write a whole blog post on just Lloyd Kaufman. He fascinates me. I am very conflicted on my opinion of the man. He talks the feminist talk in abundance, but yet all of his films border on female exploitation, and I couldn’t help but get the feeling that he was fighting the urge to screw every woman who came within 5 feet of him… yes, I realize that all men struggle with this problem, but Lloyd Kaufman is a special case. Watch any Troma film and you’ll see immediately what I’m talking about. As I said, I’m conflicted. I’ll report back again after I watch Cannibal: the Musical… after all, I do love me some Trey Parker!

Speaking of Mr. Kaufman, deadCENTER film festival, and its “Gynos in Charge” have received his highest endorsement (originally posted on http://www.troma.com/news/ on June 16, 2009). I have to say I fully agree:

Lloyd Kaufman Here,

Last weekend I attended deadCENTER Fest in Oklahoma City, the Gyno operated and incredibly well-organized festival showcased a slue of brilliant films and relevant panel discussions on the state of Independent Cinema. I mention that deadCENTER Fest was organized by Gynos (more politically correct term for woman) because it was the best run film festival I’ve ever been to! The G.O.C’s for the festival (Gyno’s in Charge) were Melissa Scaramucci, Kim Haywood, and Cacky Poarch. They took care of every detail, everything at deadCENTER went on without a hitch or a glitch, they are all perfect human specimens!!! The Film Fest was refreshingly idealistic, untainted by the cynicism and evils of Hollywood. This was truly a film fest for Independent films, supported and organized by lovers of Independent film.

A couple films I attended especially kicked ass! Specifically, Weather Girl, Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (my film of course), Saint Misbehavin’: The Wavy Gravy Movie, and Official Rejection, which I was in and elaborates on the BS I have encountered at so called mainstream film festivals. I recommend deadCENTER Festival to all filmmakers, regardless of experience or genre. This is Uncle Lloydie’s highest endorsement. Take it and spread the word kiddies! Looking forward to next year’s deadCENTER Fest!

Xoxo,

Uncle Lloyd

All in all, deadCENTER was a fantastic experience. I fully intend to spring for another all access pass next year. I’ll post reviews of all the best and worst films I saw in the next few days. Thanks for the memories!

Posted in Feminism, Movies, My Life, deadCENTER | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Beauty is Only Pixel-Deep

Posted by GraceKathryn on April 4, 2009

No duh, it happens a lot (read: ALL THE TIME) in magazines, media, etc. I’ve pasted just a few links to examples at the bottom of this note, the Jessica Alba photo being the most disturbing. People – women and men both – just need to be aware of how common photoshopping/airbrushing is in all media we consume… I said ALL the media we consume. In print media, that pretty much means ALL OF IT. EVERY PHOTO. It is the norm, not the exception. Real women (real PEOPLE, actually, since it’s done to men almost as frequently), don’t actually look like that.

I have seen in the flesh, and personally know, some BEAUTIFUL, absolutely stunning women, but no one really looks like the pictures in magazines, not even the most gorgeous girl with the best hair and makeup artist in the world. It’s redundant I know, but I think this same message needs to be repeated again and again and again and again… THE WOMEN YOU SEE IN MAGAZINES ARE NOT REAL. They do not really look like that. This is ESPECIALLY prevalent in pornography.

Now, I am really really good at using photoshop. So here’s a confession… I am a hypocrite. I manually edit the red-eye (on everyone, not just me) out of every single picture I take right after I download them to my computer. At this same time, I go through each and every picture one at a time and edit out all blemishes/zits on myself, and any big and obvious blemishes on other people in the pics (but sometimes only if I really like said person). I usually also equalize my own skin tone if I’m blotchy and step down the facial shine a bit if I was having an oily day. Now, the kicker… I have, a few times, also blurred out wrinkles on my own face. I’m 29 years old and I’m photoshopping out my wrinkles. Even more terrible, I have, on a few very rare occasions (maybe on 4 or 5 pics ever), thinned myself down in photoshop. ***OOOH!*** ***SCANDAL!*** No, I’m not showing you which pics. Have fun figuring it out. Honestly, the reason I haven’t done it more than a few times is that I’m not that good at photoshop yet so I only do it on the pics that it’s easy to do on.

On my current profile pic, I can confirm for you that the only edit I made was to get rid of a zit or two. No blurring wrinkles, no evened out blotchiness, no toned down shine, no slimming myself down on that one, I promise.

So… there you have it. I want to raise awareness of the phony nature of beauty in print media, yet I am guilty of the same sin and have a gigantic plank in my own eye… and I don’t intend to change. However, maybe one day when I’m feeling really self-confident I’ll post before and after pics of the same picture of myself in photoshop. Or maybe I’ll just sell my services to you conceited people … did that come out right? I meant sell my services as in photoshopping, not… oh… you know what I mean.

If there’s one thing you take away from my soapbox speech, let it be this: those women that you masturbate to in magazines aren’t real. They don’t exist.

***cue “the more you know” theme***

I really like this article. It’s long, but worth a read… guess what? Even Dove’s ‘Real’ women campaign photos were airbrushed and fake: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/05/12/080512fa_fact_collins?currentPage=all

Jessica Alba skeletored down: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/fashion-that-makes-us-sad-jessica-albas-perfect-body-airbrushed-to-something-skinnier-325704/

Madonna: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009/03/27/before-and-after-photoshop-is-madonnas-best-frenemy/

Kim Kardashian: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/kim-kardashian-is-photoshops-latest-victim-436681/

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