deadCENTER 2010… Comin’ up!

May 24, 2010 — GraceKathryn

It’s coming, and soon: deadCENTER Film Festival 2010. Last year was my first time to go to deadCENTER, and I had a fantastic time. As a self-professed film nerd it was just what I needed to start the summer off proper, and I can’t wait for the festival this year. I booked a swank hotel room in downtown OKC for Thurs, Fri, and Sat nights so I will be right in the heart of the action (plus it will be amazing to not have to drive home each night – That was the worst part of last year). Last year I blogged throughout the festival and I’ll be doing it again this year.

I’ve had fun making my pre-preliminary schedule, which I will solidify further as it gets closer to the big event and I hear a little more buzz about the films. Until then, I’ll just be counting down the days… Just 16 to go until mini-vacation of delight.

Posted in My Life, deadCENTER 2010. Leave a Comment »

IMMD

January 3, 2010 — GraceKathryn

This really happened.

Today while getting an oil change I had a brief conversation with the guy working at the auto shop that made me ridiculously happy. Whenever I’m running errands that I think might involve any amount of sitting in waiting rooms I try to remember to bring some reading material along with me. Upon getting out of the car with my book, the auto shop guy noticed it and exclaimed dramatically in a tone of disgust and astonishment (direct quote):

“Atlas Shrugged?!?! Is that for pleasure?!?!”

Me (kind of laughing, yet trying to deflect as to avoid an awkward conversation): Um, not exactly. No it is not.

Auto Shop Guy (obviously restraining himself from saying anything he might regret, i.e. commenting his feelings on the book): Ugh! Good.

He went on helping me with car stuff for a few minutes, and then veered back to the topic of the book.

ASG: So what class is it for?

Me: Well, it’s not exactly for a class.

ASG (again looking astonished): Then why on earth are you reading it?

Me (again laughing and smiling): Because I know quite a few people who are lovers of Ayn Rand …

The look of horror on his face was epic!

Me: … and after being told so many times that just I don’t understand the delicate nuances of her philosophy and having it implied to me that “if you just read Atlas Shrugged you would understand,” I decided to finally read it. It’s kind of an intellectual exercise.

ASG (body language and facial expressions showing his disgust for the book, and completely stammering to not say something to a customer that he might regret): Wow. Um, yikes. Well. I could… no, I shouldn’t.

Me (now super-happy and continuing to laugh): Hey, it sounds like we agree on this topic!

ASG: Yes. Yes it does.

It made my day.

Posted in Books, Humor, My Life, Shrugging Atlas. Tags: , , , . Leave a Comment »

End of Semester Implosion

December 3, 2009 — GraceKathryn

I have been wanting to write a follow up to my Vanity and Guilt post from a while back and to answer comments from my most recent post on Pretentiousness and Elitism… but alas, my reference of time may be different from that of other people’s. It is actually not unheard of for me to answer or follow up on emails weeks or months after-the-fact, so one can apply that same principle to answering comments on my blog. It’s not that I didn’t read your comment or that I don’t have anything to say. I am simply a severe procrastinator – to the extreme.

Speaking of procrastination, right now I have the excuse that it is the end of the semester for me and I have less than two weeks remaining to study for and take a big statistics final, write about 12-16 pages on decision-making, then gather data, run a multiple regression analysis on it, and write an additional gigantic end-of-semester research paper for my stats class. These are not easy feats. As I stated before, I am a master procrastinator. However, in the past I have almost always performed surprisingly well under extremely stressful time-sensitive conditions like these. Actually, this is usually how I perform my best… at the very last minute.

So it’s unlikely that I will see you for another few weeks, fair blog. Wish me luck on not failing my statistics class. I am hoping for a B, but realistically I think a C is more feasible at this point. It looks like my straight-A streak will be broken after this semester. It’s disappointing, but I doubt it will hinder my job prospects in the future.

See you in a few weeks!

Posted in My Life, My Own Stupidity, Schoolin'. 1 Comment »

On Pretentiousness and Elitism

November 13, 2009 — GraceKathryn

There is a writer whose blog I occasionally read who writes in the most pretentious style imaginable. I’m not sure if this person only expects PhD candidates to be able to decipher her writing, or if she just believes herself to be so self-important that this is how she really talks. The writing sounds like something out of a freaking Woody Allen movie. I can usually only make it through a few sentences of each blog post, regardless of how fascinating I find the subject, before I start to feel nauseous from the elitism inherent in the writing style.

My blog is titled Suburban Kitsch. I am currently a suburbanite. Kitsch means lowbrow, tacky, tawdry, or appealing to popular or undiscriminating taste. I try to avoid elitist-style pretentiousness in my writing. Sometimes I succeed in that effort at way too far a degree. For example, I actually have to try really hard to keep my bathroom humor in check, especially on my twitter account (tee hee).

The shirt below is an example of kitsch at its absolute finest. For some reason I own it. I think a distant relative may have given it to us unbeknownst to me.

Kitsch at its finest!

Kitsch at its finest!

One day I was digging through my “sleep shirt” drawer and lo-and-behold, this treasure presented itself to me! I had no idea it existed in our house! I proudly put it on and ran around the house loudly singing “Freedom Isn’t Free” from the Team America: World Police soundtrack, and then I may have transitioned into Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (Angry American)” – i.e. the “boot in your ass” song.

Jared immediately pointed out my hypocrisy. “Your blog is called Suburban Kitsch. I thought you were supposed to be against elitism. You are embodying the very thing you are supposed to be against.”

Ouch. Buzzkill.

So then, what is elitism? What constitutes pretentiousness in writing or speech? Surely they are real things. I have observed personally those in the “educated classes” looking down upon those they deem to be inferior and ignorant… I can read plain indignation in the writing on their blogs. Even their writing seethes with judgment and an air of superiority. I observe it at parties. You would think we would have grown past the “cool kid” phenomenon now that we’re adults. But no, the judging of others has simply moved to the intellectual elite who feel they are more fashionable, hip, and educated than those yokel rednecks… regardless of political persuasion.

Personally, I always have to keep myself in check that I do not become like this. It is so easy for me to fall back on my education, my knowledge of news and culture, my one puny trip to Europe, or what I think are my enlightened views, and then use all this to therefore judge so many others. But those people I am judging know SO MUCH MORE than me about many realms of knowledge that I am completely ignorant about. My knowledge is not infallible, and I’m almost never the smartest person in the room. I’m no cooler than anyone else. In fact, I actually use the word “word!” as an exclamation of happiness, so that probably makes me the lamest person on the planet. Basically, I try to never let myself feel too self-important. This is VERY difficult.

I have an ongoing conversation with my husband about what particular words carry the most pretentious connotations when used in regular conversation. Jared feels that the word “fabulous” is extremely pretentious and should never be used by anyone unless they are actually on the TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He also thinks that the word “atrocious” is about as pretentious as you can get, unless it is referring to a literal atrocity. For my part, I believe that in everyday conversation (at least in mixed company with non-PhD candidates), one should never use words that would be more at home in an academic journal article… for example “onerous,” “obfuscation,” or “pejorative.” In my opinion, using words like those in everyday conversation is just showy and pretentious to the extreme (not that I haven’t ever done it).

How about you? What words do you think have pretentious connotations? Do you care at all about elitism? Do you ever feel like you’re being judged by “intellectual elites,” or are you one yourself? Do you think there was something wrong with my parading around in said shirt while singing a Toby Keith song? (and just in case you didn’t catch it before – I was being a huge smartass while doing so).

And P.S. Freedom costs a buck-o-five.

Posted in Cultural Observation, Introspection, Miscellaneous, My Life. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . 5 Comments »

Vanity and Guilt

October 14, 2009 — GraceKathryn

There’s no way this is healthy…

Since January, I have lost 25% of my total body weight. Yes, you read that right. Twenty-five percent. I know for certain that I have lost 25% of my body weight because for the past few years I have been keeping a meticulous spreadsheet of my weight, which I update usually at least once a week. I used to log in my weight every Tuesday morning like clockwork and update the spreadsheet daily with my workout details as well (distance run or exercise class attended in a given day, etc). Now I only update it with my weight sporadically, and my workout routine has fallen by the wayside for the past few months mainly because of health issues.

(Yes, I know that keeping a detailed spreadsheet of my weight is probably not healthy either).

I currently weigh less than I did in high school, even as a freshman, and I am almost embarrassed about the size of pants I had to buy this weekend. I don’t think I ever wore this size of pants even at 12 years old. None of my old clothes fit, even the shirts. I have almost nothing to wear now. Everything I own fits me like clown clothes. I did the math, and if I lose 7 to 11 more lbs, I will officially be underweight according to BMI estimates. Hurrah! (Said with sarcasm).

Long story short, I have been dramatically dropping weight over the past 9 months and everyone has noticed. Some people make comments, some people don’t… but everyone has noticed. There is no way for people NOT to notice, unless they’re blind. It even shows on my face. I got carded today and the woman told me that my license picture doesn’t even look like me. Yep, that’s what losing 25% of your body weight will do.

Here’s the thing… I have not been trying to lose weight. At all, really. I got skinny because I have been really sick this year.

So now I apparently look all hot (or at least way more attractive than “fatty Kathy”) because I conform better to society’s beauty standards. I’m getting complimented all the time, and all the while feeling like crap. This happened to me all summer especially when I was dropping the pounds at a dramatic rate (and when I felt the most terrible physically). People would complement me on how good and thin I looked (“OMG you lost weight! You look great!”) and while it stroked my ego, I also felt absolutely awful. The first few times I responded with some sort of mumbled change of subject, but after that I gave up and started saying thank you just to end the conversation, all the while feeling like a horrible vain hypocritical terrible person.

I don’t feel bad physically every day anymore (though I don’t feel fantastic either), and I’ve stopped dropping weight. I’ve held steady at this same weight for about 2 months now (that’s why I thought it was time to finally buy some new clothes in a size that actually fits). Now I think I’m beginning the road to recovery physically, for the most part.

But now I’m stuck in the beauty trap. Now that I’m thinner than I’ve ever been in my entire adult or teenage life, I actually kind of like it, despite loathing myself for enjoying it at the same time. It makes me absolutely disgusted with myself for even buying into this BS. I didn’t even TRY to get this way and the only reason I’m so bony now is partially because I allowed myself to be malnourished! It’s more complicated than that (don’t worry, I don’t have an eating disorder), but I did go a few weeks without eating very much at all a while back. This is not the kind of beauty ideal we should ascribe to! Is thin really the be all end all of beauty? (Please don’t say yes!)

I hate that I’ve been sick all year, but even more I hate that I have enjoyed being thin because of it. It’s disgusting and I condemn myself for it. It is wrong and I feel like I have betrayed all women. Why can’t we embrace our physical differences instead of trying to live up to an unattainable beauty “ideal”? I am obviously guilty of falling into the same trap, and I feel terrible for it. I’m sure I will never break free of it, but the best I can hope for right now is to be self-aware when I am being vain.

Will I intentionally try to pack on the pounds now? No, though I might do so if I start dropping any more weight. Will I try to eat more regularly now, and more healthily? Yes, even though it will be difficult because this year has all but killed my appetite (which was a big reason for the weight loss in the first place). If that brings on a bit of weight gain, so be it. And if it does, I’ll try not to cry.

Evolution of Beauty

Evolution of Beauty

Check out the Health at Every Size movement. Guess what? Fat does not necessarily = unhealthy! You can be fat AND healthy! It just involves eating intuitively and being physically active for pleasure.

Posted in Cultural Observation, Feminism, Introspection, My Life. Tags: , , , , , , , , . 5 Comments »

Christian Nihilism

September 15, 2009 — GraceKathryn

If I were not a Christian I would be a nihilist, and I regularly have to keep my natural tendency toward existential nihilism in check. There is a reason Ecclesiastes is my favorite book. It is the most hopeless and nihilistic book in all of scripture. Despite my optimistic, idealistic, and altruistic nature, I thrive on hopelessness and despair.

If you do a quick inventory of my favorite movies (Dogville, Match Point, City of God, 28 Days Later, the Last Kiss, etc), you will see that they are ones in which there is no redemption and where people treat each other callously and without any remorse for the harm they inflict. They often get away completely guilt-free with murder. I would also personally act this way toward others if I truly embraced nihilism, as I am inclined to do – and I know there is real malevolent evil in my heart. That is why those films resonate so personally with me.

In a world completely devoid of any true or ultimate justice, this is truly the way things are. There is no reason at all for a rational person to not act consistently in a manner of complete and total selfishness, even to the point of murder and mean-spirited deception even for entertainment’s sake, so long as it maximizes one’s own rational self-interest. If a person can kill their mistress without getting caught and live with the guilt for the rest of their life because her death will ultimately bring them a far more pleasurable life in the long run (as happens in the plot of one of the films I mentioned above), this is completely morally acceptable. There is NO reason at ALL to condemn this action in the absence of moral values and ultimate justice.

Likewise, in the absence of any moral values or ultimate justice, there is no grounding upon which to condemn infant rape, instrumental rape during war with machetes, brutal female circumcision, animal mutilation and abuse, the torturing and murder of homosexuals going on right now in the middle east and still in our country, generations of racism and violence, or any other heinous and violent act that we consider to be a violation of justice. There is no grounding at all upon which to cry “FOUL!” The best we can do is to say that we just don’t like these acts, but we can never condemn them as truly wrong, because the very concept of ultimate, objective wrong does not even exist.

No humans will ever agree on exactly what actions should be defined as “right” and “wrong” in a moral sense – that has been culturally, religiously, and sociologically dependent even person by person for as long as humans have lived in society together. Even in a marriage no two people are ever going to completely agree on every moral and ethical issue. But if we can’t even agree that the concept of objective, transcendent moral values actually exist (meaning outside of our own collective human consciousness – in other words, outside of our own heads), then we’re really screwed.

I’m not arguing that we should go put up the 10 Commandments at any Capitol buildings. That’s just stupid. My point is much more philosophical and is far broader than any issue that encompasses any religion.

I would be a nihilist if were not a Christian and if I did not believe that objective moral values exist external to the human mind. I do not pass judgment at all on anyone else who believes otherwise, but if I did not believe what I do, I would personally lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and live my life to fully maximize my own rational self-interest (in other words, completely selfishly). Yes, I might even murder if I thought it would benefit me in some way – and I highly doubt that I would feel a shred of guilt about it. The “guilt gene” seems to have skipped a generation with me. That is why I absolutely love this Aldous Huxley quote (and I also adore Brave New World, incidentally):

I had motives for not wanting the world to have a meaning; and consequently assumed that it had none, and was able without any difficulty to find satisfying reasons for this assumption. The philosopher who finds no meaning in the world is not concerned exclusively with a problem in pure metaphysics. He is also concerned to prove that there is no valid reason why he personally should not do as he wants to do. For myself, as no doubt for most of my friends, the philosophy of meaninglessness was essentially an instrument of liberation from a certain system of morality. We objected to the morality because it interfered with our sexual freedom. The supporters of this system claimed that it embodied the meaning–the Christian meaning, they insisted–of the world. There was one admirably simple method of confuting these people and justifying ourselves in our erotic revolt: we would deny that the world had any meaning whatever.”
[Aldous Huxley, Ends and Means, 1937]

Huxley admits that he had reasons (namely his unrestrained sexual freedom) for believing that the world has no meaning. It seems that the Christians are not the only ones who start from a conclusion and then work backward to their premises. They just happen to get accused of it far more often. Hmmm…

The reason I am a Christian is not merely because I am convinced that objective moral values do exist, but also because of what I find to be an encyclopedic body of evidence in support of the basic claims of the faith‡, and because of the absolute lack of coherence and rationality I find in all alternate worldviews that I have explored. I was a sincere agnostic/atheist from about the time I was around 10 yrs old, through my entire teenage years, and into the beginning of my adult life. Not to mention that the horrors of the flipside of the ‘problem of evil’ are almost too much for me to handle. All of this hit me as a 14 year old atheist when I was writing death poetry in my own blood about how we will all ultimately be turned to dust, with no hope and no redemption.

The ‘problem of evil’ in this world is simply not a problem for me and it never was. However, the problem of no ultimate justice for the Holocaust is a HUGE problem for me, and it’s a huge problem for atheists as well. I guess their only answer is, “it sucks to be Jews.” At least believers in some semblance of a justice-fulfilled afterlife have a kind of response.

Additionally, personal experience is not at all why I believe (especially since it all happened after my conversion), but there have been some very odd coincidences in my life since summer 2001 when I officially “converted” or whatever you want to call it. Yes, granted, it is entirely possible that they are all just coincidences, but the statistical improbability of some of the things that have happened (on specific dates, etc) has been very strange.

Anyway, to sum it all up, I’m a Christian who struggles with nihilism. I still struggle with the evil in my own heart and mind and with the idea that I should care about anything in the world at all. Also I know that I am personally capable of truly heinous acts. People are NOT basically good. That statement is complete and total bullshit. I love the MGMT song Time To Pretend because it is sublimely true. The band has managed to write the ultimate anthem to nihilism. Here are the lyrics. Enjoy.

I’m feeling rough, I’m feeling raw, I’m in the prime of my life.
Let’s make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I’ll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun.
Yeah, it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We’re fated to pretend
To pretend
We’re fated to pretend
To pretend

I’ll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms.
I’ll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world.
I’ll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home.
Yeah, I’ll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

But there’s really nothing, nothing we can do.
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we’ll get a divorce.
We’ll find some more models, everything must run its course.

We’ll choke on our vomit and that will be the end.
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We’re fated to pretend
To pretend

Yeah, yeah, yeah

_____________________________________

‡ Note that I said BASIC claims of the faith – if you get to know me you will find that I will only try to defend solidly 2 or 3 main issues. The rest of the doctrinal concerns are entirely debatable as far as I’m concerned. I’ll just be over here trying to feed the poor, care for the sick, and fight for those who don’t have a voice. Even if I’m doing a bad job at it, which I admit that I am most of the time.

Posted in Books, Christianity, Introspection, My Life, Philosophy, Religion. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 15 Comments »

Depths of Humility

September 13, 2009 — GraceKathryn

So guess what? Our contractor and his meth-addict friends did not steal my inherited diamond ring. Jared had multiple heated accusatory conversations with the guy, we filed a police report on him, I spent half a day driving to all pawn shops within a 30-mile radius, and it turns out that we just hadn’t looked hard enough at home.

Ouch.

I feel terrible. I falsely accused someone of something they clearly did not do.

We owe him a HUGE apology, which we are definitely going to give him. We are also going to revise the police report to let them know that we found the missing ring and he has since returned the other items he stole (Like a gas can. A GAS CAN. Really. How stupid of a thing is that to steal?) About that…

The fact remains that the contractor did indeed steal other items of low value out of our garage (which, when confronted, he confessed and ultimately did return them), and he also left shady people with criminal records (including records of burglary) alone at our house for extended periods of time with access to the inside of our house. He also did a crappy job on the work we hired him to do (because he showed up high), and he said some pretty messed up and unintelligible things on the phone to Jared and in person to both of us during the few weeks he was doing work at our house.

Long story short: please follow the advice I gave in the post below about what steps to take to protect yourself BEFORE hiring a contractor. This story has a somewhat happy ending, and I came out of the whole thing feeling like a complete a$$hole, but we still did get screwed over and had to go through an ordeal. I’m happy my ring wasn’t stolen, but I don’t ever want to hire a meth-addict for a contractor again.

I do, however, have a great deal of grace for the guy. Ultimately, I feel really bad for him and a part of me wants to reach out and help him, but considering what has happened with our particular situation recently I don’t think it’s possible for Jared and I to be the ones to do it. It must be extremely difficult to try to stay clean after years of drug offense felonies on your criminal record. The poor guy probably can’t even get a job at McDonald’s. What other kind of work is he going to be able to do now but to mow lawns and paint houses? This is a real life example of the tension of justice vs. mercy in my mind and in my life. It will never be ultimately resolved.

I still feel like a terrible person, though. I want to say I’m sorry 1000 times. This is what humility and personal growth feels like.

Posted in Introspection, My Life, My Own Stupidity, Philosophy. Leave a Comment »

Extreme Joy, Murderous Rage, Cautious Optimism

September 9, 2009 — GraceKathryn

Today has been a roller-coaster of emotions all by itself.

Extreme Joy

I arrived at work this morning to an email greeting me with this wonderful news:

On behalf of [the Vice President], I want to congratulate you on your selection as one of the recipients of the 2009 Staff Development Scholarships.

The Scholarship Committee consisted of a group of your peers from [divisions within the organization].  Of the applicants, the Scholarship Committee selected you for your demonstrated talent, dedication, and merit.  Through the pursuit of continuing education, you and others like you are setting a benchmark of excellence that [the organization] is pleased to sponsor.  [The Vice President] is very proud of you!

Your scholarship is worth $1,000 and must be used  by August 31, 2010.

I applied for that scholarship way back at the beginning of July and had just about given up hope of receiving it. I had expected to hear something by now. This was fantastic news!

Needless to say, as soon as I read the email I was jumping around my office gleefully like a crazy person. Remember the ridiculous happy jumping dance Tracy Flick does in Election when she first thinks she won? Yeah, that was me this morning. I think I actually let out a little squeal and clapped my hands in glee. My office mate would have thought I was insane except that she is used to regular outbursts like that from me by now. I promptly told her the good news and then I ran and quickly told another coworker friend who wrote one of my letters of recommendation. Hugs were exchanged. I giggled.

The icing on the cake about getting this particular scholarship besides that a). I worked damn hard for it, b). I can sure use the money, and c). It’s a fantastic morale booster and a great résumé-padder, is that a good friend of mine applied for and got the same scholarship as well! We were in direct competition with one other and we both received the award! Hooray for overachievers!

Murderous Rage

Fast-forward to a mere 30 minutes later.

I got a semi-emergency call from my husband at work telling me he had just discovered that the meth-addict contractor we hired to paint the outside of our house (who had already finished the job, crappily, a few days ago) had stolen some stuff out of our garage and possibly from the inside of our house as well. I rushed home from work to find that the only possession in the entire world that I cared about, my Grandma’s wedding ring that I inherited 2 1/2 years ago when she died, was gone. No $hit. I had posted a comment on a friend’s blog less than 2 weeks ago about how this particular ring was the only possession in the entire world that I care about, and now it’s gone. I don’t know how long it has been gone. It could have already been gone when I posted the comment. They were working on the house for about 2 weeks.

A police report has been filed and I have made the rounds to every pawn shop in Norman, Noble, and Purcell looking for my ring. It is a one in a million shot I will ever get it back but I’ll still check back every week or so. It doesn’t help that the ring is so generic looking – it’s a white gold round cut four pronged solitaire diamond ring. Real distinctive. It fits perfectly on my right ring finger. Only I would be able to identify it if I saw it. It does have a slightly bent prong and the diamond is a little bit loose.

God is mocking me. God says, “Kathy, it’s just stuff. Even if it was your only remaining tie to your Grandma and you placed a great deal of value on it, it’s still just a rock.”

Yes, God, you’re right. But that’s not going to stop me from eschewing your mockery by ironically praying (to you!) to get it back and continuing to scope out the pawn shops… and also to hope that I’m not just an idiot and that it’s lodged underneath my dresser or something.

The situation with the contractor is really sketchy and we’re not even sure if it was him personally who took the ring and some of the other stuff. He definitely took a ladder and some other miscellaneous low-value stuff out of our garage, but we have no idea what else could be missing from the inside of our house just yet. We’ve tried to do an inventory on everything valuable we have, and we can’t find anything else missing just yet. The problem is that he brought at least 2 or 3 other people (read: drug-addict friends) over to do work at our house at various times who we never really met or had a chance to talk to. Any one of them could have taken the ring without his knowledge. The main contractor was clearly high out of his mind at least once or twice when he showed up to do work, and we could tell that one of his other workers was high a different time as well. They were hired to paint the outside of the house, and they only even had access to the inside because of a technicality where we had to leave a garage door unlocked for 2 days so they could paint it. They did not ever have permission to enter our home.

Hindsight is 20/20. We looked him up on the Oklahoma Dept of Corrections database this afternoon, and guess what? He has an extensive police record of drug offenses for sale and posession – meth and marijuana. He most recently got out of jail in November 2008. At least none of his criminal offenses were for violent crimes.

Lesson learned: Trust no one. This should really be common sense but sometimes you have to learn the hard way. With contractors:

  1. Get multiple references, especially if there is a need for them to have access to the inside of your house while you are not there. Call the references.
  2. Ask if they are insured. (Ensures further credibility).
  3. If they seem a little bit high, they ARE high. This might be ok if they’re just mowing your lawn or something, but don’t let them in your house or garage! Protect your garage access code and door openers at all costs!
  4. If they spout conspiracy theories they may or may not be high, but you should probably fire them anyway. You don’t want your hard-earned money going to support Ron Paul, 9/11 “truthers,” or antivaxers, do you? Not to mention that pesky meth habit…
  5. Look them up in the OK Dept of Corrections Offender Database online BEFORE hiring them.
  6. Yes, meth addicts do work for much cheaper than other contractors, but it’s not worth it. Believe me!

Cautious Optimism

I have nothing particularly noteworthy to comment on President Obama’s address to Congress tonight that hasn’t already been said by people far more eloquent than me, but his speech did fill me with cautious optimism. Of course, I thought that Obama gave far too much compromise to the anti-reform crowd in his plan as detailed in the speech tonight, but such is politics. I think this is the best we can hope for in this country right now.

We have a horrible broken health care system right now in this country. That is a fact. I think with this speech it appears that perhaps, after a month of complete and total standstill, perhaps progress can begin to be made again toward getting some sort of major legislation passed by the end of this year. Additionally, the unbecoming heckling outbursts of the anti-reform crowd during Obama’s speech clearly hurt their own cause… so yay for that.

So as to not end on a negative note, here is a happy little video that has been making the rounds lately online. Enjoy.

Posted in Miscellaneous, My Life, My Own Stupidity, Politics, Schoolin'. 1 Comment »

Hook, Line, and Sinker… again?

September 8, 2009 — GraceKathryn

I thought I was over this silliness. I thought I had grown up. I took a break from these stupid online “debates” for about a month, and now I’ve just allowed myself to fall back in to the same pattern and get sucked right back in… even to the tune of being “de-friended” on facebook yet again. Seriously.

I consider myself to be a reasonable person who is capable of having logical and rational discussions without resulting to personal ad-hominem attacks. I try to adhere to this principle as much as possible in all discussions I have online and in person. Apparently, other people are not so agreeable to try to keep conversations at such a level. Therefore when I checked back to a particularly contentious discussion board after a few hours in the middle of a conversation tonight, I found that I had been de-friended without even an explanation as to why. How very mature of that person.

Again, I do admit that in the past I have crossed the line MANY times by making smart-assed, rude, and condescending remarks when I have shot off my mouth without thinking. My behavior in the past has been wrong, and many people deserve apologies for the things I have said. However, I don’t believe that this has been the case at all in the past few weeks and days. Recently, I have been intentionally trying to be much more thoughtful about the way I approach conversations with others that I may not agree with. This was the case with the person who recently de-friended me. I honestly have no idea what I did to offend this person. My entire dialogue with them was perfectly civil and I did not attack them personally in any way at all. I even complimented one of the points they made!

The good news out of all of this is that now I have one less troll to deal with posting snarky and rude comments on my page! I do realize that people (who I personally know somewhat in real life) are probably talking about me and making fun of me behind my behind my back right now… but it’s ok with me. A few months ago I probably would have been crying over it, but I have bigger fish to fry right now.

I have the gift of (over)confidence, but I lack the gift of eloquence and tact. I have the gift of boldness, but I lack the gift of thick-skin and calm-headedness. I have no problem standing up in front of an audience to speak, but no one wants to listen to what I have to say because my thoughts are a jumbled mess and I have a tendency to offend people. Then when people bite back because I offend them, I get my feelings hurt (though usually just a little bit – mostly I just get really angry and it makes me want to lash out further and cause them pain).

In summary, right now I would make a terrible politician, even though I think that could possibly be what I am gifted to do. I just have a very long way to go. I guess I’m glad 30 is the new 20 and my whole life is still ahead of me. Personal growth, here I come…

Posted in Cultural Observation, Facebook, Introspection, My Life, Politics. Tags: , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment »

The NRA and Texas Twang

September 2, 2009 — GraceKathryn

Imagine my surprise when a few weeks back, Jared and I received an unsolicited call on our home phone from none other than the National Rifle Association. I have NO IDEA where they got our phone number. First of all, no one, and I mean no one, calls our home phone except my parents, pollsters, and telemarketers – so we don’t even answer it most of the time. We usually screen our calls to the answering machine. It was very unusual that Jared happened to even pick up the phone this particular time. A few seconds after Jared picked up the phone, he gestured wildly to me to come over and listen to the craziness and hilarity he was hearing. A woman with a heavy hickish Texan accent had introduced herself as a representative of the NRA and asked him if he was willing to listen to a short recording. Of course he said yes. We were both intrigued at that point. I sat quietly, listening and giggling to myself, all the while making dramatic LMAO gestures to Jared and letting him do all the talking.

The 2-3 minute recording was basically a scare-fest about how we, as fine upstanding gun-totin’ Amerucuns, should be terrified that some sort of shady conspiracy business is going on right now whereby 3rd world Mexican dictators (or dictators of some other countries – I don’t remember which ones) are trying to control United States’ gun policy. Lest that not be enough to make you shake in yer cowboy boots, that gun-hating she-devil Hillary Clinton is also personally going to come to your house and take away your guns.

After the canned recording wrapped up with the superfun ending trashing Hillary Clinton (I’m thinking the Clinton part alone must have lasted a full minute), the live Texas twang woman got back on the phone and asked us (or rather, Jared) the following poll question:

Should 3rd World dictators and Hillary Clinton be allowed to dictate gun ownership/policy in the United States? Yes or No?

First of all, the only options for answering were yes or no. There was no in between. There was no possibility for clarification. The NRA clearly worded the question to lead to their desired answer (see Meaningless Statistics from Sociological Images, specifically #4). Now really, REALLY… who on earth could POSSIBLY answer yes to a question asking whether 3rd world dictators should be determining US policy? That’s just a stupid question.

Jared answered her as such:

So Yes and No are really the only options for answering this question? Ooooooo… kaaaayyyy… well then, no I do not believe that other countries should be determining US policy on domestic issues.

So he gave her the answer she wanted. In her nice little Texas twang she then happily began to give us the NRA spiel about how scared we should be about Hillary Clinton, 3rd world dictators, and how they are trying to infringe upon our 2nd Amendment rights blah blah blah. Then she asked for money. You see, normally a 5 year‡ NRA membership is $200 (or something – I don’t remember), but just for us, right now, they were running a special! We could sign up for a 5 year membership that day only for the bargain basement low low price of only $150! (We declined).

Jared did, however, have a question for Texas twang woman:

Your organization’s name is the National Rifle Association. The name implies that you support rifle ownership, perhaps for the purposes of hunting or sport. Can you elaborate on that?

Texas twang:

We support gun and firearm ownership and rights of any and all kinds.

Jared:

So you would fully support handgun ownership and/or semi-automatic assault weapons?

Texas twang (with more than a hint of annoyance and frustration in her voice):

We just believe in the 2nd Amendment. I mean, (psssh) the Constitution has worked really well for a few hundred years now. We just want to uphold the Constitution. So um, yeah. And stuff.

Um, yes I suppose the Constitution has worked well enough… If you love a document written over 200 years ago by a few rich white men for a great many purposes including upholding slavery, denying women, blacks, and non land-owning white men the right to vote, and basically upholding the status quo for the power elite of their time. The Constitution was not divinely inspired and it is not scripture. Also, the Constitution is great if you love extreme ambiguity. Sorry to break it to you NRA, but the 2nd Amendment is very much ambiguous and open to interpretation, as is nearly all of the Constitution. It was written that way intentionally. That’s why we have the modern court system – to do the interpreting for today’s world.

Welllp, thanks for calling, Texas twang. And lest you think I’m making this whole story up, here are two more accounts on other blogs of nearly identical calls: I Love Getting Calls Like This, The Guns of August NRA.

____________________________________

‡ I originally wrote this entry quoting $150 for a 3 year NRA membership, but upon doing further research I discovered that I was mistaken and $150 is actually closer to the 5 year rate. My mistake. I corrected the error.

Posted in Humor, My Life, Politics. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments »

Enjoy the Silence

August 27, 2009 — GraceKathryn

Greetings! It’s been over a month since my last post. Perhaps I’ve been missed, but maybe not. School has started back up, which means double-duty for me with juggling school and work. My classes this semester shouldn’t be too difficult. I did it all last year and managed to do really well both semesters. I’m sure I can do it again. Jared is even more ambitious than me going into this school year. He is now working full time and going to school full time! Law school for 9 hours and Philosophy for 6 hours! At least I’m only taking 6 hours of courses. I’m going to miss my husband… But I guess maybe the money is worth it. Plus school is only temporary.

Anyway, on to the explanation of where I’ve been the past month. Warning: stop reading now if you don’t want to hear a whine-fest.

For the past month I’ve been working a lot, and when I’ve had free time to write blogs I have been so exhausted that I could barely muster up the energy to even get online, let alone form a coherent thought. Consider yourself lucky that I didn’t attempt to post some horrible crap writing when I was in that state of mind.

On top of that, for the past 2-3 weeks I’ve been dealing with what I think might be a stomach ulcer, but could be any number of things. I have an appointment with a GI doctor in about 3 weeks, but I’m hoping that it will get better on its own (as ulcers often do). It has been very painful, and I’m on a severely restricted (and extremely boring) diet right now. It has often functionally been a “no food” diet, since I’m scared to eat because eating hurts. Most days I feel completely fine, but then the pain will spring back into action to torment me without warning. Today I ate some yogurt for lunch, a seemingly harmless food, and I was nearly doubled over in pain. Now I have to add yogurt to the list of foods I can’t eat. So now I’m down to only eating bread, pasta, rice, cheese, other dairy products, and green vegetables. Yep.

This year has kind of been a big crappy roller-coaster for me. I have dealt with one medical issue after another starting back in the spring. Now I’m just exhausted and I feel like my brain is temporarily fried. Right now I can’t process information as well as I could even a few months ago. The quality and quantity of my blogging has suffered as a result, as have some of my relationships. I’m just lying low right now trying to rest and recover. I might continue this silent blogging streak for awhile. Hopefully if I do choose to post anything I will have enough sense to restrain myself on days when I’m rambling and incoherent (like today, perhaps?).

This is all temporary. I just need to rest and recover. I’ll be back to my regular old loudmouth self in no time. You’ll see!

Posted in My Life. Tags: , , . 1 Comment »

FB notes… imported!

July 23, 2009 — GraceKathryn

I have had nothing new or original to say in a while (ok, I’ll be honest, I have actually had a great deal to say but have been too emotionally exhausted to say it), so I finally just now got around to importing my facebook notes from the past year. If you’re interested, just go to the Blog Category “Facebook Notes.” It’s pretty simple.

I’m going to a monastic cabin retreat in the wilderness this weekend… alone. Sans husband. It’s not even a retreat in an “everyone holds hands and sings Kum Ba Yah” kind of way. This is the kind of place where people go to be alone and just walk the trails in the woods all weekend. I have my own cabin. I plan to bring my full (good) camera equipment, hike on some beautiful nature trails, and get a lot of sleep. This particular retreat location was run by Catholic nuns until 2008 (it is now operated by laypeople). It also has a really nice prayer chapel (which actually kind of looks like the kind of place where people would go to do yoga), which I fully intend to use… though that’s just an extra perk. I’m sure they would be completely fine with people busting out some yoga moves in there, which I would definitely do if I were a yoga snob.

Anyway, hi. I still exist. Hopefully I can get some real rest this weekend.

Posted in Facebook, Miscellaneous, My Life. Leave a Comment »

See? Turtles.

July 15, 2009 — GraceKathryn

It has been a few weeks since I have posted a blog. I’ve needed a break and I have been getting overly emotional and angry lately at the drop of a hat about political issues, so today I am simply going to write a boring educational narrative about an amazing “beauty of nature” experience that I was blessed to witness during my trip to Florida last week.

Because my husband, my brother, and I naturally all stay up really late, we frequently go for late night walks on the beach. Coincidentally, three different species of sea turtles lay their eggs at night between 11pm-3am on the very same beach we vacation at, the most common of these species being the Loggerhead turtle. For the past 3 or 4 times we have gone to Florida, we have seen at least one adult turtle during our late night walks – and frequently we will see more than one turtle on a trip. These turtles are older than me, and some loggerhead turtles have been known to live close to 200 years. That, in itself, is awe-inspiring to me.

(For context, we always go to the same resort. I have been going to this same resort since I was a child, and my mom’s family has visited Pompano Beach, FL since she was about 15 years old).

Here are a few pictures of the mama turtle we saw this year. Yes, I used flash photography. I know now that you are NOT supposed to do that. I will not ever do it again. I feel very bad about it now. There is no need to scold me. I feel bad enough about it on my own. The mother turtle had already laid her eggs when we came across her and took these pics. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure…

Mama Turtle Nesting

Mama Turtle Nesting

She is Older Than Me

She is Older Than Me

Returning to the Sea

Returning to the Sea

However, this time was special… about 10 minutes after we saw this mama turtle finish laying her eggs and swim off in to the sea, we had the distinct honor of witnessing an actual loggerhead turtle nest hatch. It was so amazing. I am not usually a person moved to tears at the beauty of nature, but I felt honored to get to personally witness something so beautiful, from only feet away. I could have actually picked up one of the baby turtles, but I didn’t want to damage them.

I found this video of a loggerhead nest hatch in North Carolina, and this is pretty much exactly what it looked like, only there were not quite as many babies in the nest we saw. There were maybe 60-90 hatchlings in the nest we witnessed. We sat and watched the entire thing – from the time the the sand was just beginning to stir to when the last baby made it to the ocean… about 20-30 minutes total. As a woman from the hatchlings group told us when we first showed up, “Once they start to come up, it looks like popcorn. They all just crawl out at once.” That was exactly how it was. And before they started popping out of the ground it looked like a cauldron of soup bubbling full of turtles. It was so neat!

You can watch this video if you want to see what a loggerhead turtle nest hatch looks like.

Posted in My Life, Travel. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments »

God and Country, and Oklahoma

July 3, 2009 — GraceKathryn

Yesterday, Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern caused a big stir and a media frenzy (49,100 results on 7/3!) with her offensive and blatantly factually inaccurate Oklahoma Citizens’ Proclamation for Morality. First of all, let me say that (surprising as this statement may be to those who are familiar with many of my political and social views) I am an unapologetic Christian (Methodist, baby!). I believe that Jesus died for my sins (and for yours) and came to redeem the world from sin, suffering, and death. I also believe that it is all Christians’ job in the world first and foremost to promote justice and to alleviate suffering throughout the world while spreading the gospel (Mother Teresa style)… NOT to go around condemning people. Didn’t Jesus himself say something about how the person who is without sin should throw the first stone? You can go ahead and label me a crazy fundamentalist now for being a Christian.

As a believer, as a human being, and as an American, I am horribly offended and repulsed by some of the claims made by Mrs. Kern in this proclamation. I do not agree with the ACLU on a great many things, but I do agree with the ACLU of Oklahoma wholeheartedly on the following:

The proclamation blames the economic downturn we are currently experiencing on abortion, pornography, divorce, and same sex marriage, among other things. Kern does not mention the greed of Wall Street elitists or the inability of our government to effectively regulate questionable financial practices that might be the true cause of our nation’s economic difficulties. Her proclamation is silent to meaningful solutions to address the very issues she blames for the “downturn of morality.” Kern’s proclamation, which amounts to a hate-filled diatribe, is full of inaccuracies. This proclamation alienates thousands of Oklahomans who are adherents to minority faiths or who practice no faith. It is unfortunate that she and others would promote such a divisive manifesto at a time when Oklahomans need to pull together to weather this current crisis.

Well said. I would have been at the state capitol myself protesting the signing of the proclamation, if I had not had to work yesterday afternoon.

For other eloquent refutations of Mrs. Kern’s vile proclamation for “morality,” see Rep. Al McAffrey’s blog entry and Rep. Ryan Kiesel’s speech. Mr. McAffrey and Mr. Kiesel are both Christians, too, by the way (I added this point not because I think it adds to their credibility – their points would stand as solid and well-reasoned regardless of religious belief – but only to illustrate that not all “Christians” are of the extreme right-wing Kern/Coulter/Limbaugh variety).

One other “God and Country” tidbit. The ridiculous GET MOTIVATED seminar was held in Oklahoma City a few days ago. I did not attend this event and have nothing to say about it… but I highly recommend Two-Headed Blog’s wonderful commentary regarding said event. One of their authors had the “honor” of attending. It’s a great read: Motivate This

On a personal note, the 4th of July is tomorrow and I’m off to a much needed vacation in Florida with my extended family. Fortunately these are people with whom I usually can avoid political and religious related conflict (because I agree with most of them on the most sensitive issues and can just use avoidance tactics with the others). I’ll be sipping on frosty beverages and watching the fireworks on the beach tomorrow night. This trip is much needed. I have become so upset by close-to-home political goings on in the past few weeks (and by political discussions I have had with people I know), that getting 1500 miles away from Oklahoma should do me a lot of good.

My laptop is coming on vacation with me, but it’s very unlikely that I will post anything for the next week or so. I also may not be able to moderate comments or reply to comments while I’m gone. Suburban Kitsch will likely be silent for a little while. Being a loudmouth is taking its toll on me – not that I post anything too terribly contentious on this blog (the worst of my soapbox speeches are usually displayed on other people’s blogs and comment pages).

Have a wonderful 4th.

Posted in Fundamentalism, My Life, Politics, Religion, Travel. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . 6 Comments »

My 3 Years in Corporate Hell

June 27, 2009 — GraceKathryn

You gotta love The Onion. The photo at the bottom of this post sums up perfectly my experiences working for 3 years in corporate America. I swear the upper management at the company I worked for hated independent intellectual thought and fun with everything in their core beings. The 1927 German film Metropolis comes to mind.

Here are a few fond memories I have of my time at said job:

  • A coworker got called in to the BIG bosses’ office to have a stern talking to about the “alarming” frequency of her email exchanges with her HUSBAND, who also happened to work for the company at the time — big brother was SERIOUSLY watching you at this company.
  • I was moved to 4 different desks/cubes on 2 different floors of the same building within 1 1/2 years. On the plus side, they did let me keep my red swingline stapler, though.
  • My boss (who was actually a really cool person so I was very disappointed with her for this) sent me a STERN email about how work computers were to be used for business-approved websites only, even if it was possible for me to access other sites on the “allowed” list. Thus, another “big brother is watching you” example. (For context: most employees had no internet access at ALL, and the select few who did have access could only get to a few select sites on the “approved” list, and these were sites that they had to have in order to do their jobs. So no yahoo, no newsok.com, no anything).
  • Extremely disturbing (indirect) sexual harassment directed at me, such that I was bawling my eyes out a few times. I need to find out the statute of limitations on that, b/c I think I actually have the guts now, 3 years later, to maybe say something about it.
  • The sense, ALL the time, that my coworkers, bosses, and everyone around me, were ALWAYS watching me, looking over my shoulder at my computer screen, and listening to my every word on the phone and every conversation I had with those around me. I am not being paranoid. This was really happening. There was a mass paranoia in the corporate culture at this company that I really didn’t understand.
  • Gossip. Constant backstabbing mean-spirited gossip… Now, I know people will say that this is an inherent feature of any workplace with a lot of women in close contact (and all that other sexist crap that I don’t buy in to), but it’s NOT. I know from personal experience that that argument is BS. That argument is sexist to its core. I work in an office now with about 10 other women, and the gossip where I work now is NOTHING like it was at this company. My office now is wonderfully positive and gossip-free by comparison. I don’t even blame the individual women I worked with at my former job, I blame the company’s culture. I blame the highest leadership. It was an institutional problem, not a problem with individuals.
  • Terrible timecard system that nickel and dimed you and ripped you off. (The skeptical pessimist in me suspects that this was NOT a coincidence).
  • After I left, I heard from a few ex-coworkers that they actually tried to BAN MUSIC AT PEOPLE’S DESKS for a while… this was in the form of headphones, iPods, small radios, small speakers, etc. It was an absolutist policy… No matter what. Apparently that only lasted for a few weeks and the backlash was so bad that they caved a bit.
  • I was HORRIBLY underpaid, and so were almost all of my coworkers. This company rapes their employees with low paychecks, all the while posting great profits (at least during the years I worked there). When I moved to the public sector I immediately got almost a 20% raise… I now make almost TWICE as much as I made when I started at that company in 2004. This company does not value its employees.

(For balance, a few good things the company did: yearly free health screenings for all employees, random bonuses ranging between $100-500 every Christmas and sometimes occasionally throughout the year in response to economic crises, community involvement in things like charity races and the like………. but most public sector jobs do all that plus more)

This was just my personal experience with corporate America and the company I worked for. I don’t claim that this is how it is for everyone, or that ALL large businesses are evil, or that capitalism isn’t a great thing (it is!), but this is how it was where I was at. This is just my story and my observations of the company I worked for. I experienced the depths of human misery at that job (I was crying alone in the bathroom on a regular basis I was so miserable), and it was as close to an Office Space type experience as I can envision in the real world.

Everything I have detailed above is all true. You can ask my husband, my parents, my doctor, or anyone who knew me while I worked there. I was in a deep depression at the time. It saddens me so much the way some companies get away with mistreating their employees. That was just the effect it had on me. By comparison, my public sector job now is like working in utopia.

Please don’t misread me and think I’m saying that all companies do this. I see the value in capitalism and I think that privately-owned businesses are a good thing. I know there are lots of private corporations and businesses that are wonderful places to work, but this particular company did not fall into that category. I would love to hear stories about the ones that are good. It will help to give me hope in humanity and the corporate world (which, admittedly, I aspire to never return to).

Office Internet Crackdown - from The Onion

Office Internet Crackdown - from The Onion

Posted in Feminism, Humor, Movies, My Life, Politics. Tags: , , , , , , . 11 Comments »
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